I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
