Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
