Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did I show you my penis last night?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
