He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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