my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
