At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize