Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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