Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
