i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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