My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
