I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
