You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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