Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
