I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize