We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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