what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
