Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
even my farts smell like vagina
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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