I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
