so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize