I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
