If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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