I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
