Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
