On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's the barista slut.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
