is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
