HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
