it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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