Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
