You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
