I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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