i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
