she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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