my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
