Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
