Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
