I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
