Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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