Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Me too!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
