i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
