Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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