The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
