How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
tell me about the fingering
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