he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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