His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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