oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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