I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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