there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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