I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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