i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
