You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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