we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize