We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
