sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
