just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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