Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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