Just fell off a train. Bad.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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