spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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