I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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