Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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