went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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