look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
