Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
