Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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