There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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