so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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