kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
