Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
