i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
